How Did You Learn to Love?
- Alexandra Suarez
- Apr 5
- 1 min read
From a very young age, we learn what it means to need someone and what happens when we do. The way our earliest caregivers responded to our needs, whether they were consistent, unpredictable, or emotionally unavailable, shapes how we learn to relate to others. Psychologist John Bowlby, who first developed attachment theory, believed that these early bonds form a template for how we experience closeness, safety, and connection throughout our lives. Over time, these experiences shape what is known as our attachment style, the blueprint we carry into our most intimate relationships. It influences how we love and feel loved, how we fight, how we repair, and how we reach out for comfort and connection with the people closest to us.
A more in-depth overview of Attachment Theory is available in the PDF below.
If reading the PDF above is not possible due to time constraints, then I recommend listening to this interview.
Some questions to reflect on:
How do you respond when you (or your partner) is experiencing emotional or physical pain?
How comfortable do you feel opening up about difficult topics to your partner or friends?
How do you manage conflict and are you aware of any negative patterns that show up in your communication?