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Exercise: Reframing The Problem

  • Writer: Alexandra Suarez
    Alexandra Suarez
  • Apr 4
  • 1 min read

Updated: Apr 5


The three themes below, often revolving around vulnerability and unmet needs, are at the root of recurring arguments. (Please see resource on Attachment Styles for further context).


Exercise: If you and your partner get into an argument, see if it's possible to reframe the argument from 'What are we fighting about (object)?, to 'What are we fighting for (emotional need)?'


  • The struggle for power, control and agency.

  • The need for closeness, care and trust.

  • The desire for respect and recognition. 


Recommendations:

Fighting For Your Marriage by Howard Markman


World-renowned psychotherapist, Esther Perel, explores Markman's work in this interview with Oprah.


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