Exercise: Noticing the Urge to Control

When we feel the urge to control a situation, it can happen so quickly that we barely notice the thought or feeling that triggered it. A thought record is a simple tool that helps you slow that process down and take a closer look at what is actually going on beneath the surface. By writing down your thoughts, feelings and reactions in the moment, you begin to notice patterns and with that awareness comes the opportunity to respond differently. Over time, this kind of reflection can help you understand what is driving the urge to control and gently begin to shift it.

Thought Record When you notice an urge to control a situation, pause and write down the following:

• What just happened?

• What thought came up automatically?

• What emotion did you feel and how intense was it (1-10)?

• What did you do or feel the urge to do?

• What is a more balanced way of thinking about this situation?

Take a moment to reflect on how this shows up in your relationship and the impact it may be having on your partner and your connection. If it feels bigger than something you can tackle alone, reaching out to a CBT therapist can be a really valuable next step.

Book Recommendation: Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger & Christine Padesky — practical CBT workbook, great for anger and anxious thinking patterns.